Excited? It’s Complicated.

Tomorrow marks two weeks since we learned we had been chosen to adopt.  The time since we heard those blessed words has been marked with enormous excitement tinged with guarded enthusiasm.  As with any adoption, there is always the possibility that the expectant mother may decide she wants to parent after all, after giving birth to the baby.  Although we have been told she is very committed to her adoption plan, I still have reserved a big ol’ chunk of my heart just in case. I will let it out of heart jail after she has made her decision and signed the papers.  The old me would have been shouting the news from the rooftops and moving forward emotionally sans hesitation, but experience has taught me to proceed with caution. I wish that wasn’t the way it was, but it is only temporary. Once I am free to rejoice, I plan to do so unabashedly!

We get to meet the expectant parents this week!  I am looking forward to the moment I get to meet them, but I am petrified with fear as well.  It will definitely be something to see this brave woman pregnant with the baby we have prayed for since we started infertility journey part deux.  Back then I could not have imagined that my first encounter with my future child would take place just a few short weeks before they were due to enter the world, growing comfortably in another woman’s body. I would not ever have considered that a negative, I just don’t think I would have thought of it at all. The fact that this is where we have circled around to now feels very natural and exactly the way it was meant to be.

Nonetheless, when you ask me if I’m excited, don’t do a double take and grimace when I hesitate before finally saying, “I think so.” I realize that is a strange answer, but on the other hand, it’s an honest answer, and I am nothing if not honest.



3 thoughts on “Excited? It’s Complicated.

  1. That’s not strange at all. I can’t think of much that would be more wonderful and frightening than adopting a baby, knowing it might be (figuratively) snatched away from you before it even arrives!


  2. Pingback: Where the Rubber Meets the Road | Borrowed Genes

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