September 2008: The hubs and I decide to pull the proverbial goalie and make a baby. Both sides of our family are obnoxiously fertile so it never occurs to us that we will not conceive right away.

March 2009: I visit my OB to make sure all my parts are in working order. She does a minimal exam with minimal tests and sends me off with the reassurance that everything is doing what it is supposed to do. (It’s not: see June 2014)

April 2009-June 2009: I do three cycles of Clomid. None of them work.

June 2010-August 2010: We do three cycles of IUI. None of them work.

January 2011: We meet with our new reproductive endocrinologist and decide to move forward with IVF.

April 2011: RE advises we cancel cycle due to low follicle count of five. I tell her no way am I canceling this cycle.  Retrieve some eggs!
Eggs retrieved:10
Eggs fertilized: 10
Embryos Frozen: 5
Embryos Transferred: 2

Pregnancy test is POSITIVE!

December 2011: Our perfect son is born, small but perfect, three weeks early. Thank you God for answering our prayers!

November 2013: We go back for our frozen embies hoping for a sibling.
Frozen Embryos Transferred: 2

Pregnancy test is POSITIVE!

December 4, 2013: At our first ultrasound the RE confirms one strong heartbeat at 6 weeks. My husband and I look at each other, then at the screen, because we see TWO heartbeats. The RE looks again, then back at us, visibly shaken, but agrees there are two. This is “interesting” because there is only one sack and one yolk.

December 9, 2013: We meet with the head of the perinatology department, the doctors who handle high risk pregnancies. He has reviewed the ultrasound and it is his opinion that we have “mono-mono” twins, identical twins that share one sac and one placenta. This is a problem because as the babies grow, their cords can become entangled and they can suffocate. If the pregnancy holds, I will be admitted to the hospital at 24 weeks.  I’m ready to do what it takes…we’ve tried hard for these babies!

December 13, 2013: We have another ultrasound with the high risk doc. He’s even more confident at this point I’m carrying mono-mono twins. The idea is thrilling and terrifying at the same time.

December 23: Initially he wanted to see me on the 27th, but I insisted on being seen before Christmas because I wanted to enjoy the holiday knowing the babies were okay. During the ultrasound, the technician is unable to find a heartbeat. She informs us that our twins have died. We then meet with the doctor who had reviewed the ultrasound pictures; the twins were not mono-mono, they were conjoined at the pelvis, and even if they had survived gestation they would not have survived outside the womb.

April 2014: We transfer two more “perfect embryos.”  Four days before the official blood test, I take a home pregnancy test that says pregnant!  We are thrilled.  On the day of the blood test, we are told that we were briefly pregnant but that the embryos did not hold on.

May 2014: We transfer our last, lonely little embryo.  Does not result in a pregnancy.

June 2014: We learn that if we want to continue with IVF we will need to use donor eggs.  Other than the exponentially higher cost, this does not upset me.  We begin the lengthy search for a clinic we want to work with, as well as searching for a donor.

August 2014:  We have selected a clinic and a donor.  We are excited to move forward.  The donor is not available until December so we have to wait a little while, but we’ve waited a long time so we are not too put out about it.

September 2014: I become very sick and find myself with a lot of time to lay in bed and overanalyze every situation in the world.  I experience a very strange moment that hits me like a bolt of lightning, and in that moment I realize I am officially done with hormones, injections, and fertility meds.  I start to feel an awareness that the baby I am meant to have is out there somewhere and my husband and I will find him/her via adoption.