In Which I Say Goodbye

Hello my friends!  Many of you are wondering where our adoption journey has led us and what’s in the mix. I’m sorry I left everyone hanging, but I needed to distance myself from the topic for a bit to gain some perspective and to just plain be okay. 

Our journey has been hard. They all are; infertility, adoption, it’s all an intense emotional struggle. I think ours has been a bit a touch on the extra brutal side.  We faced not only crushing disappointment more than twice, but also didn’t have the relationship we desired with the people we hired at huge expense to help us. Personality conflicts, they happen. I just wish it hadn’t happened to us. 

The time has come for me to wrap up my time here, at least for now. There are two reasons for this…Reason #1: My goal all along was to write an account of our journey in a very transparent way, leaving a blueprint for others who may follow and find it helpful and encouraging. BUT…about a month ago I received an email from a woman who is with the same agency as us and adopted almost immediately. She stated, pretty bluntly, that I wasn’t doing myself any favors by writing about the good, the bad, and the ugly. She thought that if birth mothers considering us found us online (soooooooo easy, that’s true) they would be turned off by my blog. At first, I was pretty pissed off she had the stones to lay that out there. I mean, it’s easy to judge when you adopted before the ink on your homestudy was even dry, right? But before long I realized she was right. And that very day I went and made all my “controversial” posts private so only I can see them and they can’t haunt us.  When I did that, I removed the integrity from my original purpose of transparency. And I can’t continue if I have to make sure every blasted post is positive and chipper, because that’s some serious bullshit. That’s not life. That’s not anything except saccharin-coated nonsense and that is not now, nor has it ever been, how I roll. 

It doesn’t help matters that I’m a humorist in my writing, and the adoption process has been anything but funny. My desire to write is so strong, and I may start another blog where I can still write for people who like my quirky take on things. We will see. 

Reason #2: Regarding where we are now in the adoption process: ah, let’s see how to accurately describe…oh yeah…we are nowhere. If our journey was a location, it would be Area 51. I literally have not a thing to report because absolutely nothing is happening. All of the people in our class have adopted. All of the people in the classes after us have adopted. We remain, and remain, our smiling faces moving lower and lower on the list of online profiles. It has been 7 weeks since we were presented with a situation. Our coordinator says, “I just don’t understand. Families like yours usually get picked right away! I thought you’d be gone in 2-3 months!” 

Whatever. What. Ev. Er. 

The hubs and I are doing well. I have started forcing myself to accept the possibility we may simply have one child. I grieve for E, who asks about “his baby” all the time; I grieve for the hubs, who is such a badass father and has so much awesomeness to impart onto another kid; I grieve for myself because when I became a mother I realized it was what I was born to do, strange as that may sound. I just always thought I would have more than one kid to annoy with my mothering. 😊 But the truth is if we are only supposed to have one, we will make it and be okay. We have E, and if we were only meant to have one miracle granted in our lives, I’m so insanely grateful he was just that. 

Thank you friends for following along and supporting me the whole way. If I write here again, it will be because we have adopted, somehow. 

But if you happen to be acquainted with a baby that needs a family, you know where to find us. 😉 

Love, light, and blessings to all. 

4 thoughts on “In Which I Say Goodbye

  1. Cant.even.imagine…..I’ve not struggled with infertility or tried adoption…but I am thankful for your blog, and your transparency….maybe having a glimpse of what you have been dealt will help me, and others, to be more sensitive and understanding and supportive for others in similar situations. May God continue to guide and bless you all each step of the journey.

    Liked by 1 person

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