There are times in all our lives when we receive a message from God, or the Universe, or wherever you feel your life altering messages come from. They do not happen often; if I had to compare it to the proverbial “lightbulb” moment, I would say the kind of message I’m talking about is more like someone throwing the flood lights at a baseball stadium after you have been sitting in total darkness. I received such a message, and the gist of it was this: my body has been through enough, and it is time to let it be still in regards to trying to force it to become pregnant when it obviously does not want to be. The second part of the message is that the baby my husband and I will add to our family is out there somewhere, probably in utero, and that we will find the baby we are meant to have through adoption.
When I decided to follow the signs and leave the egg donor ivf cycle behind, I felt very free and encouraged in a way that I had not felt for a long time. Mostly I felt like I was going to regain control of my body and not constantly be in a cycle, preparing for a cycle, or recovering from a cycle. My three year old son was conceived via IVF and I would not change that for the world. But I have also experience three more cycles since them, two miscarriages and one that did not take at all. With donor IVF, we were still running a risk. If it did not take, that money was gone, and like most folks we do not have an endless supply. With adoption, eventually we will adopt. It may take 6 months, or a year, but the money invested in the domestic infant adoption process will result in us adopting and coming home with a new son or daughter. It is not without it’s risks and heartbreaks but it feels absolutely right for us.
The tone of my blog is now going to focus more on our adoption journey since that is where we are in our lives at this moment. I also hope to add some “Great Moments in Mom History” as well as thoughts and reflections from my IVF days. I would appreciate hearing from anyone who has made a similar decision in their life, and what motivated them to transition from IF treatments to adoption.